Panic! Just kidding. Well, you can panic a little. I know I did. I recently received a very heartfelt and warming email from a friend who encouraged me to write about the new chapter in our life. She told me other women will appreciate my openness—even those who are not in the same situation. If I can encourage just one person that there is life and hope after divorce, this blog post will be all the worth while!
After exhausting all resources a divorce is happening whether you want it or not. Here are a few steps I took. Every new day is a learning lesson and time moves slowly when you are in the midst of it all. Don’t give up hope—someone has a better plan for your life and it takes actions on your part to make this happen.
- Hire a Lawyer. Hire someone based on referrals that will protect you and your children. Mediators are great for those of you who are childless and where everything is fair and amicable. Be smart and go with your instinct. Only you know what is best for your family.
- If there was a third party involved, do not contact the other person. Only send her a message if it will truly help you move on with your divorce. Although it will only give them ammo to say, “See, look at how crazy she is!” This person entered into relations with a married man and family. Do you think they are going to have a come to God moment and realize what they did was wrong? Most likely not. They will have to live with their wrong doings and that is enough in my opinion. Your revenge is moving on and leading a happy healthy life!
- Start building a different kind of relationship with your ex. I had to put aside our actual married relationship and focus on being parents while communicating for Mia. You are going to see this person every other weekend, month, or year if they choose to be in your child’s life. It took some time to get to this point; at first I couldn’t even imagine seeing him again. I hope with time, it will evolve into a friendship.
- Exercise and eat healthy. To quote Elle from Legally Blonde, “exercise gives you endorphins, endorphins make you happy.” I joined CorePower yoga and it seriously changed my life. The breathing techniques alone made me push through some hard times. The toning and losing a few inches were an added bonus.
- If you are a Stay-At-Home Mom find a job! No job is too small. I started working a few nights as a hostess at a nearby steakhouse. It was one of the best decisions during my divorce. I met some amazing people and it gave me the confidence to get back into the working world.
Stay tuned for Part Two! Please comment if you have any advice or tips on getting through the first year of a divorce, separation, or breakup! xx